Since my last journal entry was at the end of November, and now it is January 2011, it seems like a very long time since I last sat down to type. Certainly not for a lack of interest. Every day I think about Lori, and the Holidays were certainly no different. As a matter of fact, it was not a surprise that she was on my mind more than ever. And then there was The Bear, The Candle and The Box. Three things that made the Holidays more special. Three things that made Lori a great part of the season.
Keeping busy is a wonderful thing and I set forth to keep busy this holiday season. Decorating the house for Christmas was the first challenge. Although I have always been the one to hang the lights on the exterior of the house, it was Lori who handled the inside. Fortunately for me, I must have actually paid attention because it was quite comforting to bring out the decorations and I knew exactly where they needed to go. So much so, that in some ways it felt like a time warp back to Christmas 2009. Everything was put back exactly the way Lori last left it. Well almost everything. Putting out decorations is one thing, fixing the bows, ribbon and other green, shrub looking stuff is another. But I had help. And that is when I saw it in the box. Oh, not the box I am referring to in the title, I will get to that in a little bit. This box had a wonderful surprise at the bottom which would help me throughout the rest of the season.
Each time I started to think about how much more difficult something was, magically someone or something intervened to help. So Kevin and Jessica got the ball rolling when they called and invited Lilly and I to go with them to pick out our tree. Although this may not seem like a significant gesture, it was. Getting the tree was always a family outing and the thought of going with just Me and Lilly was wearing on me. Not that I didn't think Lilly would enjoy it, I just didn't see her providing the input needed to pick out the tree. You know, "how does it look?" "turn it a little to see the other side" "is it tall enough?" all of the things we take for granted when you have someone else with you. So Kevin and Jessica were great in providing just what I needed, right when I needed it. Then a few days later, they came over and helped get the tree in the house and up in the stand. "How does it look? Turn it a little? Does that look good?" It sure did.
One difficult task done and the next one at hand. Lilly was very excited about decorating the tree. So we began the process. Bring in the lights, test them, get them on the tree. Oh, I forgot to tell you that before Thanksgiving, I had already started thinking about the tree and the one thing I wanted to do, was to get a new angel for the top. Kind of a representation that Lori was looking out for us. I searched on-line and found what turned out to be one of the most beautiful tree toppers I have ever seen. A ceramic angel with a very angelic animation. The angel slowly moves its wings and ever so slowly, bows her head. The subtle lighting fades through a couple of colors in the wings. If you didn't stop to stare, you wouldn't notice any of it.
So the new angel graced the top of the tree and then Lilly and I began to decorate it. It was happy and sad at the same time. The joy that Lilly had in hanging up the ornaments fighting the emotions of looking at the many personalized ornaments representing our family throughout the years. And right when I thought I was alone on an island, my phone beeped. A text from Vince and Shannon with a picture of a Christmas Ornament with a Charlotte Hornet logo on it. (we called it a Hornament and it very well might now be worth something since the team is defunct) I excitedly showed Lilly the picture and told her who it was from and she quickly ran over to the bin and pulled out our matching ornament. I took a picture of Lilly holding it and sent it back to Vince and Shannon. I smiled, because I was not really alone. At the same time Lilly and I were decorating our tree in Charlotte, the Chicerelli's were decorating their tree in Jacksonville and they were thinking of us. And this was just after the Angel went up on top. Lori looking out for us.
A couple days later, the box arrived at my door step. Not the box I was referring to in the title, but a box that I had been waiting for because inside was a gift I bought for myself, a gift that would allow me to honor Lori, a gift that I could use to show everyone how much love I have for her. But first I had to get through my birthday and that was a challenge in itself.
Some people talk about their birthdays to anyone who would listen. Not me. I always thought of it as a non-event. But I didn't realize that this non-event would be missing so many eventful moments. Lori wasn't there wishing me happy birthday when the night of the 6th turned to the morning of the 7th. She wasn't there with a card in the morning before I went to work. I thought about how if I didn't tell Lilly it was my birthday, that the day would pass by in my house, completely unnoticed. I thought about how in the past, I would come home from work to a special dinner, with a special gift from my wife, and a homemade gift from Lilly. None of that in the cards for me anymore.
So I did what I didn't want to do and I called Kevin and Jessica and invited myself out to dinner with them for my birthday. They would have called me about it anyway, I just beat them to the punch. The other challenge on this day was that I had my work Christmas Party going on as well. So I left work early, met Lilly at the bus stop and drove out to meet them for dinner. It was nice. They had offered previously to take Lilly home afterwards and to watch her so that I could go by my work party as well. So as dinner began to wind down, we sat there talking while Lilly roamed around by Aunt Jessica. When she came back around my way, she was carrying a gift bag. Lilly was trying to give it to me, but I was telling her to give it back to Aunt Jessica. I just assumed that Jessica had picked me up something and that Lilly was just sticking her nose where it didn't belong.
Jessica told me that the gift was not from her, but that it was from Lilly. Lilly was all smiles and handed me the bag. She looked up at me and said, "Daddy, we can share the Buffalo Bills Cup!"
"I don't know what you are talking about" I smiled and laughed. I opened the gift in the bag and to my surprise, there was a Buffalo Bills Cup! Jessica told me that Lilly picked it out herself and that she was insisting on finding me something with the Buffalo Bills on it. I can't even begin to explain how I felt. I was so amazed, surprised and thankful. It was so special. I couldn't even recall when Jessica could have done this. Maybe she took her shopping one night while I was at hockey. It didn't matter. The night couldn't have been any better if I planned it myself.... or did I?
Throughout the holidays, I would sit in my chair and look at the item from the box. How did it get there? I don't recall it being there in the past. I am so lucky to have it. When I would pull the car into the driveway and before going into the house, I would think of Lori. I would think of her again when I looked at the angel on top of my tree. But nothing would mean more than what would happen next. Colleen and Madelyn came into town. And although I didn't know it then, they would play an important role in what eventually would turn out to be a wonderful gift from Lori.
The Christmas Season was special this year because of all of the people who reached out to Me and Lilly. But it was memorable because of The Bear, The Candle and The Box. Which I will tell you about in Part 2.